The hostile environment that I have to deal with at work had me chewing on my nails, and before I knew it, there I was with an anxiety attack. In the middle of lunch with my co-worker I began feeling VERY nauseous. I tried the breathing techniques of breathing in slowly, exhaling slowly. I tried mentally tricking myself into pretending that I didnt feel ill, that my hands werent shaky and that my face wasn't about 1000 degrees of hot fire.  My eyes started darting towards exit doors, (fight or flight, right?) well my subconscious was definitely anticipating a flight plan. It wasn't until the food came and attempted to eat a bite or two that I was overwhelmed with nausea from the smell of the food, and the sound of the clanging glasses and dishes...Ahhhhhhhhh! All I could think was, "Please God keep me from having to puke into my own purse!"

Ativan to the rescue. I didn't even fight the urge, I just threw it in my mouth and counted down the minutes until I'd feel like myself again. I didn't end up eating my lunch, despite having had the nausea subside. I was simply no longer in the mood. I just wanted to go curl up in a ball in my bed.

Ugh. 

My situation at work has me feeling helpless. The situation with my old friend has me feeling helpless, this nausea has me feeling helpless...It's going to be a very quiet evening. I think it's best for me to not think about anything and just be home, re-organize my make-up, brush my hair, watch a movie and just turn off the phone. My mind needs to rest, maybe tomorrow will be a better day.