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She sat in traffic for over an hour and a half feeling more and more depressed with each raindrop that hit her windshield. As she neared her destination, she became that much more fragile becoming lost in the memory of the butterflies, the sunshine & the promises never kept. Approaching the bridge a particular license plate caught her eye that read "TEN2GOD," a plate that resonated with her not only emotionally, but spiritually.
Leviticus 27:32 - And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, [even] of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the LORD.
See, she had become a consistent tither, giving to the Lord not only 10% of her income, but the FIRST 10 regardless of her financial state. Every week as she offered up her tithe it would cross her mind that the seed that she was sowing would one day multiply and bring to her the one thing she prayed most for, Love. Immediately after deciphering the message that was so articulately chosen to fit onto a 7 digit plate, she burst into tears; vision blurred as she along with the heavens, wept. Her hope, her faith, her desperation, her hurts, her brokenness, her failures, her triumphs, her losses, her lonliness, her rocked realities slid down her cheeks as her chest heaved in sorrow. The sounds of a child, lost in a great land without one hand to hold, she wept and wept locked inside of her car having parked in the far corner of an empty lot.
Attempting to remedy the situation she thought of running to someone, someone that could offer her calm, a warm hug, a heart beat. But those that were in reach would not suffice this time around. The mere thought of someone reaching out to her only set off her temper as she invisioned her wrath taking out large buildings, sturdy oaks and anything and anyone who would dare near themselves. For the only person that could bring back what her broken soul ached for was gone long ago. She knew this. She hated this. And if the world had fallen apart all around her, she would have not noticed. In that hour of time that she sat balled up in the driver seat of her car she would have heard nothing, nothing past the grieving of her fatigued, fragile body.
This, my friends, was me on the first day decreasing yet another 10% to 37.5mg of Effexor (Venlafaxine). Needless to say, it was not the best of my best. I do believe that the heaviness that I felt yesterday was my lowest point since beginning my weaning process and though my fears, my disillusionments, and my brokenness was heightened to a much more extreme place, I am aware that the root of those feelings are very much real and should be acknowledged and worked through.
Attempting to remedy the situation she thought of running to someone, someone that could offer her calm, a warm hug, a heart beat. But those that were in reach would not suffice this time around. The mere thought of someone reaching out to her only set off her temper as she invisioned her wrath taking out large buildings, sturdy oaks and anything and anyone who would dare near themselves. For the only person that could bring back what her broken soul ached for was gone long ago. She knew this. She hated this. And if the world had fallen apart all around her, she would have not noticed. In that hour of time that she sat balled up in the driver seat of her car she would have heard nothing, nothing past the grieving of her fatigued, fragile body.
This, my friends, was me on the first day decreasing yet another 10% to 37.5mg of Effexor (Venlafaxine). Needless to say, it was not the best of my best. I do believe that the heaviness that I felt yesterday was my lowest point since beginning my weaning process and though my fears, my disillusionments, and my brokenness was heightened to a much more extreme place, I am aware that the root of those feelings are very much real and should be acknowledged and worked through.
3 Comments
My license plate is TEN2GOD ... Was this in California :)
Wow! Yes. In the Bay Area! Your comment just blew my mind. Never expect this full circle moment.
Awesome, this is a full circle moment indeed. Your testimony is so inspiring and really encouraged me as well. I pray everything is still on track and that God continues to use you in a mighty way.